Holo Crew
by Brayds2006
Summary: Between Series 2 and 3. After finding enormous amounts of stored power, the Crew decide to bring some people back as Holograms.
1. Chapter 1: Surge Time

On yet another day aboard the vast emptiness of the red Mining Ship named Red Dwarf, second technician Dave Lister was wandering the corridors looking for something to pass the time. He had already watched "Attack of the Surfboarding Killer Bikini Vampire Girls III" for the eighth-hundredth time and had nearly worn out the film, so he ordered the Skutters to make backups of it. While they were doing this, he was looking for something to do. Or someone to annoy.

"Where the smeg is Rimmer?" he thought to himself. Shortly after this, a jolt shook him and lightbulbs doubled in brightness. Some lightbulbs even burst. "Holly, what was that?" he asked to the Ships computer.

The floating head of a balding man faded onto a nearby screen. "What? Oh, that. Yeah, I just remembered that I had huge amounts of backup energy stored. It was right under my nose too. You know when you leave your glasses on your head and you wonder where they are?" Lister nods in answer.

Holly continued. "Yeah, kind of like that. All this extra power could do heaps, like boost the range of navigational sensors, or open a wormhole, or even cook a chicken ten times faster. Oh hang on, now I feel like eating chicken. I'm gonna do that now." said Holly as his head faded from the screen.

Dave replicated the hunger. "Damn, now I feel like chicken too." he said as he headed for the nearest food dispenser.

About half an hour later, Lister finds Rimmer and Cat arguing about hair. "Look me-laddo. Hair is meant to be short, such as A solid Crew-cut. One that wins wars. Have I told you about that theory, Cat?" asks Rimmer.

"Yeah Bud, I've heard it a Million times. Find something new to talk about, like Fish!" responds Cat.

Lister intervenes."Hey guys, did you hear about the energy boost thing?" "Yes, I did. It shorted out my Life. Thankfully, there was a spare Light Bee. There's many Light Bees actually. Hundreds. What is this, a Light Bee sale? Who would we sell it to? Algae? I doubt they'd have any use for that." responds Rimmer, still angered at his Temporary Death.

At this point, Holly fades on screen. "Hey, there's an Idea. Resurrect some of the dead crew." he says. "KRISTINE!" shouts Lister as he got the greatest idea since he used Rimmer's bunk as a Curry container bin. "I could bring Kristine back! I could bring Peterson back too, and Selby and Chen! I could bring 'em all back!" he shouted.

"You better bring Captain Hollister back too. Space Corp Directive 87." states Rimmer. "Space Corp Directive 87?" asked Kryten as he walked into the room. "All First Officers must eat a bowl of Curried Steak twice a year?" he continues. "Sir, I don't think that has anything to do with Bringing the Captain back! I mean, he's a Captain, not a First Officer!"

"Calm down, Krytie." says Rimmer. " I meant that when the opportunity arises, the Captain shall be brought back as a Hologram if he or she is Deceased."

Holly fades back in. "Awight Dudes, sounds like a plan. I've got some personality discs here. Might as well try some then, I've got nothing else to do this Decade." he says. "Hey, sounds great!" shouts Cat.


	2. Chapter 2: Resurrection

The first person that Lister wanted back was Kristine Kochanski. He still missed her, and was trying nearly every possibility to bring her back.

"Alright Holly, pop 'er on." he said. "Man, I can't wait to see her again." Her silhouette appeared in bright light, which then subsided.

"Oh, hello Dave. Where is ev-" she stopped and realised her current life state. "Wha-I'm a hologram! How did I?" "Die?" Lister said.

"There was a radiation leak. It killed everyone. Well, everyone except for me, I was in stasis." "Everyone died? Even the captain? Who will promote me now? I was aiming for First officer!" she yelled.

"Believe me, unless you like Curried Steak, then I wouldn't look forward to that!" responded Cat. "That's a Cat! A human Cat-Cat-Cat-Cat-Cat-Cat!" she then was replaced by a blue screen emitted from the Light Bee.

"An error report? Holly, what happened to Krissie?" asked Lister. "I don't know really, maybe I started her up wrong. I'll try rebooting her." said Holly.

He did this, going through the same start-up light show. "Oh, sorry about that, I don't know what came over- A Human Cat!" she shrieked.

"Oh, don't worry, he's harmless. He's a descendant from my Cat." says Lister. "Why don't we go down to a Bar and I'll explain everything."

"Mr Lister, weren't you going to bring back your friends?" says Kryten. "Oh yeah, I'll do that later Kryten. Krissie, do you wanna know what year it is?" he said as he walked out of the room.

"Mark my words, Krytie. This will not end well." says Rimmer. "Mark it with what, a Biro or a Higlighter?" Rimmer glares at Kryten. "Oh, sorry sir. Shame Mode enabled."

"Holly, engage mass Hologram start-up sequence." states Kryten. "Wha? Oh, you want me to turn on the thing, then?" he responds.

Suddenly, a dozen or so Silhouettes appear, which then turn into Holograms. "What the?" says Captain Hollister as he tries to look for something to eat.

"You, Mechanoid. I demand an answer." "Captain Hollister Sir, you and everyone else aboard this ship died." Kryten responds.

Several angered and concerned shrieks occurred from the resurrected crew, before they turned into a floating army of Blue Screen Error messages.

"Oh, Blast! They've crashed again!" yelps Kryten. "Blimey, I'm doing something wrong here." says Holly. "I bet Hilly could fix this. I wonder what she's doing now. Probably something like this I guess."

"Holly, can you start the Reboot sequence, please." says Kryten. "What? Oh, sure thing Kryten."

Some time later, Rimmer was walking down one of the many Corridors onboard the ship, when he heard a voice behind him. "Rimmer. I've been looking for you." said Captain Hollister.

"Captain Hollister! Good morning! May I say that that H suits your head very well!" says Rimmer. "Holly told me that you took command of Red Dwarf after the Crew died." says Hollister.

"Yes indeedy, I did sir!" "Well, I want to have a talk in my office about this, and about your future aboard this ship." says Hollister. "Uh, yes! Of course Captain! Is now a good time?"

In the bar, Lister was talking to his old friends. "It's good to have you guys back! It's been ages!" says Lister cheerfully. "Yeah, I heard it was three million year?" says Peterson.

"Yeah, it's been ages. Ice ages even!" cracks Lister. The others laugh and groan at the So-Bad-its-Good joke they just heard. "Right, I'm gonna go and talk to Krissie, back in a moment." says Lister as he heads over to the table that Kochanski was sitting at.


	3. Chapter 3: Smeg

Rimmer was sitting in a Chair in Captain Hollister's office, as he was being Inquired by the Captain about his time in charge of Red Dwarf.

"So, after reviewing these survalience tapes, you managed to screw up almost everything." said Hollister. Rimmer still had a Smug smile on his face.

"But, you managed to take this ship back towards Earth, even if only a small fraction. And it's not destroyed. Well done, Rimmer." continued Hollister.

Rimmer was overjoyed at hearing this. He was wondering "Could I be promoted?".

"Well, Rimmer, I think-" said Hollister. "Yes?" responded Rimmer.

"That maybe you could be good in a higher position on-board." "Yes?" Rimmer responded, even more overjoyed.

This was it, he was about to be promoted to officer, and be respected after all these years of being in the crappy Technician position.

"How'd you like to be promoted to F-" Hollisters hologram image stuttered and almost appeared to reset. "Promoted to the Frosty Depths of Space!" said Hollister angrily.

"YE-what?" asked a stunned Rimmer.

"You're so close to a Firing that it's not funny. It was never funny to begin with! Get out of my Office now, Rimmer!" yelled Hollister.

"What? Oh, yes Captain." said Rimmer as he ran through the wall of the Captain's office like a shadow.

At the same time in the bar, Lister was about to ask Kochanski out for dinner.

"Hey, Krissie?" says Lister. "Yeah Dave?" said Kochanski. "Do you want to go out for dinner some time?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure. When-" her image stuttered and flashed for a brief moment. "When hell freezes over, smeghead!" she yells.

"WHAT? What came over you?" says Lister. "Get out of my face, Lister!" she concluded.

He turned around and started walking back to his table of friends. They were all glaring angrily at him.

"You heard the lady." said Peterson. "Get out". Lister left the bar. "What has got into them!" he wondered.

Holly's head appeared on a nearby screen. "Dave, I've flamingoed up a bit. They've-" Holly's image then stuttered and disappeared from the screen, replaced by a message saying "SYSTEM OFFLINE".

"Holly? Holly? What the smeg is goin' on here!" wondered Lister, as he walked back to the Control room.

–

Lister reached the Control Room where Rimmer was panicking.

"Lister, they've all revolted. They've turned against me! All of them!" he shrieked. "Yeah, and what's new?" joked Lister.

"This is no time to joke, Smeghead! We have got to fix this!" Rimmer continued. "We've got to get Holly back online, Hollister turned his system off!" he told Lister.

"Right, we have to sneak into the Captain's office, and reverse the process." Rimmer concluded. "Yeah, or we could flick this switch here." said Lister as he did this.

A head appeared on the screen, but it wasn't the balding man they knew. "Awight Dudes, what's happening down in Groovetown?" asked a woman with Shoulder-ish length Blonde Hair.

"Holly?" asked both Lister and Rimmer. "What? Is there a speck on the screen or something?" she said. "No Hol, why are you a woman?" asked Lister.

"What? Oh, this. When I was turned off by the Captain, I kept thinking of my Female counterpart from that parallel dimension we visited a while back. So I decided to get a Head Sex change." she concluded.

Rimmer was about to argue when an army of Holograms walked through the Door and walls. "You will both be ejected." The Holograms said in unison.

"Holly, switch 'em off now, Man, er, Woman." said Lister. "I can't, I need the Captain's permission to do that. Maybe you could ask him?" said Holly. "HOLLY!" yelled Lister and Rimmer.

"Oh right, he's trying to kill you. Well, I suppose you could trick him into saying something" she concluded. "It's worth a try, I guess." said Rimmer.

"Captain Hollister, Sir. Is it possible to have one final request before I bite the dust, as they say?" he asks. "What do you want?" Hollister responds.

"Well, is it possible that you could turn your fellow holograms off pot noodles? Both me and Lister despise it and it would make our day." he asks.

"They already hate it, Rimmer! Why would I want to turn holograms off if-" All the Holograms then disappeared back into their Light Bees in a flash.

"Smeg, it worked!" said Lister as he noticed that Rimmer was also turned off by the command. "Oh, I forgot to override Rimmer. Should I pop him back on?" asks Holly.

"Nah, Hol. We can leave him off for a few weeks." laughs Lister. "What went wrong with the Holograms?" he asked?

"Well, I think the Power Surge damaged the personality discs. They must of all shorted out" responded Holly.

Lister then walked out of the room holding Lister's Light Bee. "I wonder, would Light Bees go well with a Vindaloo?"


End file.
